Perfect your Snot Rocket technique
A runny nose (medically known as rhinorrhea) is virtually guaranteed when exercising in cold temperatures. But according to Wikipedia— the absolute best resource for accurate medical diagnostics— “Rhinorrhea is…usually not dangerous.” A runny nose can, however, lead to a much more serious condition: Snotty-Face-and-Jacket Syndrome (SFAJS). Common to skiers and riders, and characterized by uncontrolled discharge and disgusting mucus residue, SFAJS makes it look like a cornucopia of large banana slugs played a spirited game of dodgeball on your face and chest. All is not lost, however. Use these proven “Snot Rocket” techniques to cleanly and efficiently expel nasal discharge before it can spread, and avoid the dreaded SFAJS.
Pick your finger, not your nose
The key to an effective Rocket is a complete nostril seal. Most rocketeers use the pad of their thumb, the pad of their index finger, or the second knuckle of their index finger (highly effective when wearing gloves). You can also apply lateral pressure to said nostril, rather than relying on an insertion seal. Whichever you choose, it is most polite to extend your pinky upward. Don’t ask, it just is.
Ready, lean, fire
Inhale deeply through your unplugged nostril to position the payload for ejection. Lean forward approximately thirty degrees. Failure to lean properly will lead to a secondary syndrome known as BSRSMS (Botched Snot Rocket Skid-mark Syndrome). Using the nostrilsealing technique of your choosing, tilt your head to position the unplugged nostril down, with an unobstructed path to the ground (or wherever you’re aiming). Close your eyes to ensure that your eyeballs don’t pop out, and with an aggressive exhaled blast, expel the intranasal payload. Repeat for the opposite nostril. Skilled Rocketeers will continue skinning and talking without interruption while these processes are taking place.
Soft touch Inconsistent
payload viscosity can get you into trouble. If the offending nasal load is too liquid, it can spray unpredictably—never fun. Mitigate this with a series of short, controlled blasts rather than a single ultra-powerful rocket launch. If the payload consistency is too solid, or lodged too deeply, the Rocketeer may be forced to resort to the uncouth practice of “picking.” This is a worst-case scenario.